Saturday, January 07, 2006

On this, my inaugural missive

I give to you the words of that legendary Argentinian fantasist, the immortal Borges:

There was no one inside him; behind his face (which even in the bad paintings of the time resembles no other) and his words (which were multitudinous, and of a fantastical and agitated turn) there was no more than a slight chill, a dream someone had failed to dream.

Such was Borges's conception of playwright and archetypal stage actor, William Shakespeare, and such is the frigid truth of any actor's existence. For we are, at our cores, hollow men, waiting to be filled by our next character, our next role.

We are lonely, lonely men, and you should love us, every chance you get.



Blogger Bare Rump said...

Omigod, is this blog real? Mr. Rickman, I am such a fan! You were stupendous as Dr. Lazarus in Galaxy Quest, but then, I do so love humans with Silly Putty on their heads.

Please, please, say you're for real!

10:02 PM  
Blogger Professor Snape said...

I'm "for real."

But, my dear arachnid: are you for real?

10:03 PM  
Blogger Gabriele C. said...

Now I wonder if a certain ENT holds Gollum like duologues. :-)

10:12 PM  
Blogger Professor Snape said...

Jackson wanted me to play Smeagol, whom you know as Gollum; I refused. I do not do mud.

10:19 PM  
Blogger Kate R said...

Snape, let's step away from the movie and work on the literary version of You.

I have just two suggestions:
1 stop that Rowling woman from having you snap everything. I have to read the books aloud and never manage "Snape snapped" trippingly. Not all of us are Alan Rickman who can enunciate anything and make it all sound like foreplay. (and come to think of it, I don't want anything to sound like foreplay to my kids)

2 And the curtains of greasy hair? Lather, rinse, repeat, okay?

mm, if you're here, put your clothes back on. The dungeon is very chilly.

5:29 AM  
Blogger Professor Snape said...

Kate, lovely Kate: that Rowling woman takes direction as well as Anna Nicole Smith did in Skyscraper. I enunciate the words quite clearly into her ear, but the woman's brain is blancmange.

Regarding my voice, and its effects on your nether mucus membranes: I cannot help it, my dear. It is a curse.

Regarding my hair: preposterous as it may seem, my directors see me as romantic rivals; Chris Columbus, for example, ached for Dame Maggie Smith. They try to make me appear as repulsive as possible, and I dare say they are successful.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Blue Gal said...

I suspect you and Dame Maggie have voice contests: whoever can melt the anvil first wins. My money's on you, doll.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Gabriele C. said...

Repulsive? I'm not sure. I have heard rumours about a love affair between you and Luscious Lucius Malfoy. Ask this guy.

1:09 PM  
Blogger crystal said...

If you are indeed Alan Rickman, then let me compliment you on great acting. I liked you very much both in Die Hard and Sense and Sensibility ... a nice range.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Jemima said...

Curtains of greasy hair were good enough for me for fourteen years: don't knock it!

10:47 AM  

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